Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Moment of Subway Mortification

Weirdos love me. By weirdos I mean those people who walk among us, sometimes drunk or high, sometimes homeless, the types of people you don't want to enagage you in any way. Inevitably, they gravitate towards me. It's happened on other continents, in other countries, even in other languages. I must give off some sort of aura of approachability. Tonight's encounter took place in the Union Square subway station. Got down the stairs just in time for the doors to close on a Queens bound N, cursing myself for whatever I did that kept me from making my train by mere seconds. I walked to my usual spot in the middle of the platform. All New Yorkers have a platform spot that corresponds exactly to where the doors open at our home station to get us the hell out of the subway ASAP. I hit my spot and waited. Across the platform a group of men played African drums. I've seen a guy over there with a piano. A fucking piano! You have to hand it to a guy who hauls his own piano to play for shit money for commuters on the Brooklyn bound N platform, but I digress.

As I sat and waited, crazy showed up. Tall, white, obviously drunk weebling and wobbling but not falling down. He starts kind of dancing to the music. He's too close and I want him to go away. But I'm in my spot, so I stay put. Then he engages me. Kind of looks me in the eyes and makes an "Ehh" face in response to the music which I return. About a minute later still weaving and wobbling, he reaches out and touches my walking stick. Okay, personal space breached. Another "Ehh" face and the observation, "They're not bad." I sort of agree with him in the hopes that he'll just wander off. Then it comes.

"But it's nigger music."

Fuck me, not just a crazy but a racist crazy. I just want to go home. This is my spot. Just go away. He squeezes the word nigger out about 2 more times, says something about going back to Queens and wanders down the platform. I see him stop a decidedly less than white individual to discuss something, and I hope he gets punched in the face. Mercifully a W train pulls up, and I go to get on it. He sees me. At this point, I need to escape this guy. The integrity of the spot has been compromised. As he tries to engage me, I walk with purpose into the car and as far away as possible from him. I hear him trying to engage me, "Waidaminnit, waidaminnit!". I hit my seat and look up to see the guy stuck between the closing doors a row of seats down from me on the opposite side of the train.

"It's nigger music!!" he says to me with purpose.

Are you fucking kidding me? I was minding my own business at my spot just waiting for my train. Why is this happening? Do I really give off a "please don't hold back with your true feelings in relation to African drummers on the subway" vibe? Fortunately he's no match for the closing doors in his sloppy state, but he manages to get to the doors directly across from me and bang on them so that everybody knows for sure that the crazy drunk that can't stop saying nigger is trying to engage ME. People turn and stare at me. There's a black guy sitting across from me. I feel like shit.

"He's drunk, and I was just waiting for my train.", I say. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

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