Baby Turtles

Tonight I saw two youngish girls carrying tiny hatchling red eared slider turtles in plastic containers on the subway. I can't blame anybody for wanting to buy a little hatchling turtle. They are absolutely adorable. Barely bigger than a quarter, big eyes, vibrant green color, that endearing clumsiness of something newborn combined with the clunkiness of being a turtle. They are admittedly hard to resist. The thing is I know those turtles are going to outlive those girls' interest in them. I'd put money on it. Turtles live a long time, and they don't stay that cute. I mean, I think they do but I"ve been a nut about reptiles and amphibians since I was a little kid. I predict they'll be up for adoption on craigslist within 2 years. When I hit the lottery and build my dream house, it's going to have a big indoor turtle pond. I'll adopt all the cast-off turtles on craigslist and Animal Planet can come and make a show about me. Anybody interested in further turtle nerd reading should check out this article from the New York Times archives. Fascinating stuff, especially the discussions of turtles longevity.

Culturally Irrelevant

I've been following this whole Tonight Show/Jay/drama like everyone else, and I've come to this conclusion. The Tonight Show is no longer culturally relevant. It's an archaic remnant from a different time in television and our media history. I used to watch the Tonight Show as a kid. Looking back on it now I appreciated Johnny Carson. I liked his delivery, his rapport with Ed McMahon and Doc and the way his show seemed kind of special. It was an eye into Hollywood in the days before the instant gratification of the internet. People were excited to be there, and I was excited to be up late watching. There are some undeniable, gut bustingly funny Johnny Carson moments, even though my favorite times were always when Joan Embree was on. I was also blessed with an aunt who looked after me on many a weekend as a kid and let me stay up late. I saw a lot of the original run of Saturday Night Live's classic early days, and even as a young kid I knew I liked SNL better. When the first war for the Tonight Show happened in the early 90's, I never understood why Letterman wanted the gig so badly. No way the Tonight Show was a better gig than Late Night. The Tonight Show was what I had to wait through to get to Letterman, or SNL.

I understand that being a comedian, The Tonight Show was the place that could make or break your career, especially if Johnny invited you back to sit on the couch. Getting the reigns of The Tonight Show has got to be the Holy Grail for that old school romantic ideal of being a comedian. But the thing is, the playing field has changed drastically. Leno's unfunny, sterile comedy for the middle American masses is proof of that. The Tonight Show is not cutting edge, or sharp, or even that funny. It's appeal lies in that old nostalgic view of Tinseltown. It's a show for old people who can't appreciate humor that's not punctuated with a drumroll. The Tonight Show sucks. It kind of ended with Johnny, who was part of the old guard of television personalities who really helped shape what was then a nascent medium.

I love Conan, but his Tonight Show was just Late Night an hour earlier, and that hour is what marks the difference between people who enjoy his brand of humor and the squares who think Leno is funny. Look at who rallied around Conan. Young people, largely on the internet. People who realize the difference between funny and formula. Conan went out tonight with class. He's a guy who obviously has immense respect for the business, and had to shoot for the mantle of the Tonight Show, even though his rise from behind the scenes comedy writer to beloved host of Late Night and succeeding the mighty David Letterman was far more relevant than sitting where Carson once did.

So Leno gets the Tonight Show back, proving that people don't really want anything new, or interesting, just the same pre-chewed easy to digest comedy kibble for middle America. The Tonight Show is nothing but a name, a trademark with a dollar value. It hasn't mattered in decades, seemingly as long as it's been on cruise control. Conan, you're better off without it.

Dealing With It

It's weird getting older, seeing all your friends get married and having kids. Facebook adds to the weirdness, feeding you little bite sized morsels of your friends as adults and productive members of society. I'm pushing 40, and I can honestly say I really don't feel any different than I did when I was a young adult. I've certainly been through more and grown as a person. But in general I feel like my core persona, the "real me" hasn't changed much at all. Except for one major point. I am able to deal with misfortunes and take mishaps much more in stride. I've learned to roll with things. I used to rage (and I do mean rage) against perceived slights, or the unfair way I felt the world treated me. Today was not a great day. Had some heavy stuff dropped in my lap, details don't really matter. There was a time I would have curled up into a snarling, self-hating teary eyed ball of why me over a day like this. But I find myself just rolling with the punches. Life's not fair, period. Shit happens, and it will happen to you. May sound defeatist, but accepting this has made me stronger. Even my kinda bad is pretty good.

A Moment of Subway Mortification

Weirdos love me. By weirdos I mean those people who walk among us, sometimes drunk or high, sometimes homeless, the types of people you don't want to enagage you in any way. Inevitably, they gravitate towards me. It's happened on other continents, in other countries, even in other languages. I must give off some sort of aura of approachability. Tonight's encounter took place in the Union Square subway station. Got down the stairs just in time for the doors to close on a Queens bound N, cursing myself for whatever I did that kept me from making my train by mere seconds. I walked to my usual spot in the middle of the platform. All New Yorkers have a platform spot that corresponds exactly to where the doors open at our home station to get us the hell out of the subway ASAP. I hit my spot and waited. Across the platform a group of men played African drums. I've seen a guy over there with a piano. A fucking piano! You have to hand it to a guy who hauls his own piano to play for shit money for commuters on the Brooklyn bound N platform, but I digress.

As I sat and waited, crazy showed up. Tall, white, obviously drunk weebling and wobbling but not falling down. He starts kind of dancing to the music. He's too close and I want him to go away. But I'm in my spot, so I stay put. Then he engages me. Kind of looks me in the eyes and makes an "Ehh" face in response to the music which I return. About a minute later still weaving and wobbling, he reaches out and touches my walking stick. Okay, personal space breached. Another "Ehh" face and the observation, "They're not bad." I sort of agree with him in the hopes that he'll just wander off. Then it comes.

"But it's nigger music."

Fuck me, not just a crazy but a racist crazy. I just want to go home. This is my spot. Just go away. He squeezes the word nigger out about 2 more times, says something about going back to Queens and wanders down the platform. I see him stop a decidedly less than white individual to discuss something, and I hope he gets punched in the face. Mercifully a W train pulls up, and I go to get on it. He sees me. At this point, I need to escape this guy. The integrity of the spot has been compromised. As he tries to engage me, I walk with purpose into the car and as far away as possible from him. I hear him trying to engage me, "Waidaminnit, waidaminnit!". I hit my seat and look up to see the guy stuck between the closing doors a row of seats down from me on the opposite side of the train.

"It's nigger music!!" he says to me with purpose.

Are you fucking kidding me? I was minding my own business at my spot just waiting for my train. Why is this happening? Do I really give off a "please don't hold back with your true feelings in relation to African drummers on the subway" vibe? Fortunately he's no match for the closing doors in his sloppy state, but he manages to get to the doors directly across from me and bang on them so that everybody knows for sure that the crazy drunk that can't stop saying nigger is trying to engage ME. People turn and stare at me. There's a black guy sitting across from me. I feel like shit.

"He's drunk, and I was just waiting for my train.", I say. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

The Right Way and the Wrong Way

I do some writing for clients once and again. Mostly rewrites, as I've found my particular strengths lie in coming up with overlying concepts and dialogue. A good friend once said to me, "Mark, you have great ideas, you just never DO anything with them." He's right, and I'm working on it. Hopefully this blog will help me sharpen my writing chops and I'll get better at writing stories instead of scenes. Lots of my friends from high school and college are professional writers for print and screen and I have to tip my hat to them, because writing cohesively is hard. I had an accidental lesson in Screenwriting 101 over the weekend when I watched Red Letter Media's complete and utter evisceration of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace on YouTube. It's a bit of an investment time wise at an hour and ten minutes, but it stands out as an extremely well thought out piece on the power of concise and streamlined writing. The gist of it basically, is that we have no reason to care about any of the characters in Phantom Menace, and this apathy leads to disinterest in the film as a whole. Then tonight I watched Pixar's Up, and was shown the complete opposite. Within the opening 15 minutes we meet our protagaonist Carl as a young man and see him meet the woman who will become his wife, Ellie. Then WITHOUT ANY DIALOGUE AT ALL, we see them start their life together, share their joy and pain, and feel Carl's loss so that by the time we meet Carl in the present day, we feel for him and completely sympathize with him and his story. It's interesting because both films rely so heavily on computer animation to tell their stories, but the one that was 100% computer animated had a stronger story with much better character development. And a large portion of the characters in Phantom Menace are ones we already know in some form and have emotional attachments to, or should anyway. Pixar's streak continues. Lucas always has merchandising.

Live Action Anime...Why?

So I just saw the trailer for the live action Space Cruiser Yamato movie that's coming out in Japan later this year, and I have to ask myself...why? Why do people feel compelled to remake animated properties into live action films? I've always been bothered by that, because to me it basically shits on animation as a storytelling medium, and says that unless it's a Hollywood style blockbuster, it's not really worthy, or epic. Fuck your little cartoon that captivated the entire nation of Japan in the 70's. Hollywood has shown us the way, and the light and the truth. A live action Akira or Evangelion....so what? Can either of those projects possibly captivate the way their animated counterparts do? I seriously doubt it. Then again, Japan has pulled off watchable live action versions of anime properties before. The Cutey Honey movie was fun, and the Death Note movies were supposedly pretty good. Miike's Yatterman is definitely one I want to see. With the right cast a Gatchaman film could be fun, but Gatchaman was essentially an animated version of a sentai program to begin with. Remakes and nostalgia go a long way for film fodder, and most attempts at any sort of new Yamato anime have royally sucked. I hope that Leiji Matsumoto got cut a big fat check for this. Check it out for yourselves. I must admit, I dig the sort of retro-tech feel it seems to have, but this seems like a winner as cosplay that's going to fall short as a film adaptation. Notice they don't show you Desslok or the Gamilons, because they probably look ridiculous.

New Year

So I told myself I'd start a blog this year, and here I am actually following through on it. I think maybe I did it right away just so I could say I did something I told myself I was going to in the new year. In typical Mark late bloomer fashion, I am coming late to the blogging game, but fuck it, I've always found things in my life when the time was right for me to do so, and never appreciated them any less for not having found them sooner. I used to write super obsessively in blank notebooks in tiny, tiny print about everything that was going on in my life. One book took me 8 years to finish, I'll have to post pictures of it sometime. They are pretty amazing documents of my state of mind for the better part of a decade. There was definitely something driving me to do that, to write and fill pages with details about how I felt about the minutiae of my life and emotional state. Key word in there, DRIVEN. That drive to create, output, just plain do things has been lacking in my life for a few years now. But a lot of things changed for me for the better in 2009, and there are actually projects and ideas of mine that will be bearing fruit in 2010. Time for me to be my own agent, promoter, superfan and hype man.