Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sunday Blues

Sundays are the day I have to go online to certify my claim to get my weekly unemployment benefits. I hate doing it. It reminds me that I'm still unemployed and have been unemployed for close to a year. When my last job ended, it was with a mix of worries and relief. I didn't want to be out of a job, but I'd been looking for other employment opportunities for close to six months at that point. The job was stressful, and for a long time it had been taking a toll on me. I had a month of vacation time coming my way that I had never gotten to take, so when it ended, I was ready. But now I'm more than ready to get back to work.

Being unemployed sucks. The benefits aren't great, but I couldn't survive without them. Job searches are this crazy rollercoaster ride of building hopes, then disappointments, then having to start all over. That's been when I'm even getting called in for interviews. Many, many more resumes get sent off into the ether, never to be seen or heard from again. I've never, EVER been good at selling myself. Pretty much every job I've had I've gotten through either a backdoor or by attrition. And now I'm 40, competing against graduates half my age. It's a tough situation, and I know a lot of people have it worse than I do, so I try not to dwell on it, but today it hit me kind of hard. I'm over this. I want to get my life back and not keep playing a waiting game and living in limbo.

Sometimes you have no choice but to push forward, and this is one of those situations. Tomorrow's another day.

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